+ If you can’t take the Heat get out of Miami \\ 07.11.10
The world now knows LeBron’s ‘Decision’. He’s taking ‘his talents to South Beach’ and joins DWade and Chris Bosh in Miami.
First things first: LeBron James is not a sell out for leaving Cleveland. He was on a poorly coached and poorly managed franchise for seven years. It’s sad to say, but that team went the furthest during the 2006-2007 season, and even then they were swept in the NBA Finals by the San Antonio. And after his ‘decision’ this week, we can all put the nail in the coffin and call it: The Michael Jordan curse on the Cavs franchise was true—The city’s been doomed since ‘88 and it’s not changing. From Craig Ehlo to LeBron, that organization was never meant to win a title. Sorry Mark Price.
Oh, and shout outs to Cavs Majority Owner Dan Gilbert. We’ve all seen city’s turn on their star players once they leave, but to write a hate letter using ‘Comic Sans MS’ font? Now that takes the cake. He now enters the realm of drunk, delusional, ex-boyfriend. I can just imagine him stumbling down the stairs of his mansion in Cleveland yelling ‘You’re not the ‘King’ LeBron! I’ll win a championship with Zydrunas Ilgauskas!‘ Hate to say it, but it’s over Dan.
Even though Chicago was a better fit for LeBron in terms of him immediately joining a team centered around winning James an immediate championship, the Heat decision is one of the best things to happen to the league since the 2003 NBA Draft. Here’s why:
1. The Jodeci Factor. If you didn’t see the Heat celebration for the arrival of Bosh and ‘Bron, they made it look like a Bel Biv Devoe concert. Some say they look like they were getting ready for a WWF fight, I think the marketing and hype is awesome. Now where’s my Vitamin Water?
2. We Da Best. The thought of Rick Ross and DJ Khaled sitting courtside at Heat games is pure entertainment.
3. Shift of power to the East. The 2010-2011 NBA season will be the first season in a long time where the Eastern Conference will now be more exciting to watch then the western conference. Dallas, San Antonio, Portland, and Denver have all stayed the same if not gotten worst because of age. It’ll be exciting to see some Chicago/Boston/Orlando/Miami rivalries in the mix this next year.
4. The return of Riley? The fact that Pat Riley was able to pull of this deal proves that he is the ultimate G. We all know NBA players love ‘Scarface’. The fact that Riley looks like a Don out of a mob movie only hleps him connect with athletes. The possibility of Pat Riley returning to the sidelines and running a throwback Showtime offense excites me.
Bottom Line. Win or lose this is going to be incredibly fun to watch. If the Heat go on to wipe the floor with the rest of the league, it’ll be great to see Kobe get raped in the post season. If Miami can’t live up to the hype and get bounced in the playoffs I’d love to see LeBron’s credibility go down in flames (pun intended). Bottom line? I love this game.
+ Shout out to all my Indian thugs \\ 07.09.10
Where would I be without your support?
+ This is how I give back to my fans… \\ 07.06.10
Now you know…I got a huge thing for penguins.
+ I couldn’t find Ron Artest at the club… \\ 06.19.10
...But this could be the greatest post game press conference ever. Thank you Ron Ron:
+ Why Shawshank is Shitty \\ 05.23.10
I saw ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ recently—because I enjoy watching movies 15 years after they come out—and it blew my mind. It’s a story of hope, perseverance, and determination as a man named Andy (who is wrongfully accused of murder) escapes from prison. The movie takes place during the 40s, 50s, and 60s and follows Andy’s life sentence in Shawshank State Prison. He meets ‘Red’, played by Morgan Freeman, a street hustler and ‘a man who knows how to get things’. He immediately befriends Andy and shows him the ropes. Morgan Freeman is also the only black dude in the entire prison (Trust me, this is a relevant fact for the rest of the post).
He watches Andy get beat, raped, and tortured; but manages to smuggle in a tiny little ice pick for his friend. Andy spends the next twenty years silently chipping away at the walls of the prison and eventually breaks through, busts a hole in the sewage pipes, and crawls through 500 yards of feces to escape from Shawshank.
Just to recap: Andy survives decades of torture. Fine. He chips his way through a prison wall made of stone. Ok. He crawls through 500 yards of shit and escapes from Shawshank. Got it. Morgan Freeman spends his entire prison sentence during the 40s, 50s, and 60s without witnessing a single act of racism. Unbelievable.
Allow me to repeat, the movie takes place during the 40s, 50s, and 60s. You know, when racial sensitivity and understanding was at its peak (Insert sarcasm font here).
Did I also mention, Red was basically the prison drug dealer? Yup. The one black guy is also slangin’ contraband to all the inmates. And he gets away with it all scot-free. I’m glad to know his white co-prisoners swore by Camron’s ‘No Snitching’ campaign.
This renders me to believe in one of two options:
1. The prisoners themselves are upstanding individuals. Despite being rapists, killers, and thieves this is the most progressive prison ever. Move over Martin Luther King Jr. these delinquents were celebrating racial unity decades before the general American public.
White Prisoner 1: Hey man, call Red the ‘N’ word!
White Prisoner 2: Never. I may be a serial rapist, but I am not a racist bigot.
OR
2. The writers conveniently kept racism out of the plot line thinking we’d never notice. You have to account for racism. That’s why Bill and Ted in ‘Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure’ are white. If one of them had a shade of melanin in them the movie would be over in 15 minutes. Bill and Ted were both white. As far as I’m concerned leaving any form of racism or prejudice out of the plotline takes the entire film into fantasyland. If that’s the case screw it, Space Jam is more realistic than Shawshank. Yes, Michael Jordan plays basketball with Bugs Bunny. But at least they explain how that’s possible (cartoons reside deep beneath the earth’s crust, and then drill their way up into our atmosphere) rather than just trying to fool us.
You will all now judge me for using ‘Space Jam’ as an analogous tool to test the validity of ‘The Shawshank Redemption’. Nevertheless, I stand by my argument.
+ Koping with being a Kings fan \\ 05.23.10
Growing up in the 530 my life as a Sacramento Kings fan has been largely filled with disappointment. After several unsuccessful attempts at defeating the Lakers during the late 90s and early 2000s the days of being title contenders are long gone for my hometown ball club. Anyone hailing from the 916 knows that we’ve been mired in Pacific Division anonymity since the downfall of CWebb, Vlade, and Peja. This week’s revelation that Sacramento would be getting the fifth pick in this year’s draft only added to my laundry list of King sized disappointments.
There has however been one bright spot. He goes by the name of Tyreke Evans aka the 2009-2010 NBA Rookie of the Year. He will be one of the premiere players in the NBA. Fact. I basked in the glory the only way I could—On Facebook:
But of course, a Laker fan by the name of Chris Garcia had to ruin my high and engage in a Facebook-comment-battle with ‘Blu Print’ aka Doc Evans aka Tyreke Evans’ older brother (Doc goes by the name ‘Blu Print’ because that is the name of his record label/management/production company. Standard fare for any member of an NBA player’s entourage). Disses were exchanged, shots were fired, and well…I’ll let you see the rest:
Despite Garcia’s love for a franchise I despise, he’s a hilarious comic. Check him out at http://www.chrisgarciacomedy.com. As for Blu Print, I’m not sure what he does or will be doing in the near future.
Oh, and go Celtics (I have to say this now by default).
+ This album is dope \\ 05.23.10
I think the blog title says it all. Please cop Janelle Monae’s ‘ArchAndroid’ album, this is one of the best albums of 2010 (Yes, I realize I’m saying this in May):
The album art is ridic. I could see Robyn Von Swank shooting something like this.
+ The world better prepare…for when I learn math \\ 05.22.10
Usually I’m not a fan of top 40 hits on the radio, but every once in a while a song comes along that irks me lyrically. Usually it’s not even the songs that are blatant in their misogyny (‘Big Pimpin’) or racism (‘Sweet Home Alabama’). Recently Gym Class Heroes lead singer Travie Mccoy put out a song called ‘Billionaire’:
If you don’t want to listen to the full song (and I’m not shocked if you don’t), here’s the hook:
Oh every time I close my eyes
I see my name in shining lights
A different city every night
Oh
I swear the world better prepare
For when I’m a billionaire
Oh oooh oh oooh for when I’m a Billionaire
Oh oooh oh oooh for when I’m a Billionaire
Travie, your lack of basic math skills shocks me. I don’t think you realize how much a billion dollars is. Hypothetically speaking, even if you were to make a million dollars you’d have to make 999 more millions just to get to a billion. Not to mention you’re in a band, so that money is divided by 5. So now you have to make 4,999 more millions just to be a billionaire.
Being a billionaire isn’t an easy feat. It puts you on a short list of very elite, very wealthy people. Here’s a look at the Forbes billionaire list. Keep in mind, these would be just some of the people Travie would be competing with:
1. Bill Gates
2. Warren Buffett
3. Sheldon Adelson
4. Lawrence Joseph Ellison
5. Paul Gardner Allen
From what I see here the folks that top this list earned their exorbitant amounts of wealth through software, real estate, or the internet in some capacity. Travie, you didn’t create Google, you created a shitty single on the radio. Before you try to be a billi why not try winning a Grammy?
Instead, how ‘bout a friendly wager Travie? I bet you a billion dollars you’ll never be a billionaire.