+ You add me right now Hasan Minhaj \\ 03.31.08
I’ve recently discovered there are multiple Hasan Minhaj’s out there.
I searched for myself on Facebook and found there are two other Hasan Minhaj’s out there. One is from London and the other is from Pakistan. I tried adding them to my Friends on Facebook twice and have been rejected twice. I went in for round three and my buddy stops me and says “Maybe they’re rejecting you because they don’t know you. Maybe they’re rejecting you because you have nothing in common.“
Nothing in common?
Me: Hey man what’s your name?
Them: Hasan Minhaj
Me: Wow. Same here.
End of discussion. We’re practically blood brothers. How dare they deny our lineage!
So if you’re reading this Hasan…all I’m asking is why…why do you have to put up these walls?
And just for the record if you do decide to add me back, guess what….
I’ll be waiting.
Always,
You know who
+ Craigslist is ‘Crazy’ \\ 03.29.08
In my efforts to find a living situation for cheap in SF I’ve posted my profile on Craigslist under ‘housing wanted’—here’s what I posted:
Me: “Hello my name is Hasan, I’m a 22 year old college grad looking for roommates in SF….(listed random bio data)...I’m a pretty laid back guy and can get along with most people as long as they’re not crazy.“
I get an email five minutes later:
Todd: “Define Crazy 
-Todd”
What the hell.
“Define crazy” followed by a smiley face…I hate to break it to you Todd, that’s freaking crazy. If you need to define your level of insanity you’re officially Cocoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Later one of my buddies got on my case telling me how I should have humored the guy; maybe he has a sense of humor like me and was just trying to crack some jokes, lighten the mood. I say ‘No’. Just for him here are some possibilities of what could have happened had I continued talking to this guy:
Possibility A:
Me: “Hello my name is Hasan, I’m a 22 year old college grad looking for roommates in SF….(listed random bio data)...I’m a pretty laid back guy and can get along with most people as long as they’re not crazy.“
Todd: “Define Crazy “
Me: “You know, someone who isn’t weird, creepy, watches you while you—-
Todd: “—I talk to the goblins at night”
Me: “Oh that’s not creepy at all Todd. I’ll move in on the 15th. Just sit tight and wait for my deposit.“
Possibility B:
Me: “Hello my name is Hasan, I’m a 22 year old college grad looking for roommates in SF….(listed random bio data)...I’m a pretty laid back guy and can get along with most people as long as they’re not crazy.“
Todd: “Define Crazy “
Me: “You know, someone who isn’t weird, creepy, preferably won’t rape me in my sleep.“
Todd: “Define Rape “
Me: “.........“
Todd: “I’m waiting…. -Todd”
+ Yo Momma Loves Ethnic Food \\ 03.28.08
+ Someone thinks I’m Effinfunny \\ 03.25.08
+ You Did it Again X! \\ 03.21.08
My buddy Joe forwarded me this article where X spoke on the recent presidential election. He’s got just as much ignorance to back up his thuggish bravado. Keep doing your thing X!
There is a Q&A with Earl Simmons aka DMX up over at XXL where he speaks on the upcoming presidential election.
XXL: Are you following the presidential race?
Earl: Not at all.
XXL: You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there is Hillary Clinton.
Earl: His name is Barack?!
XXL: Barack Obama, yeah.
Earl: Barack?!
XXL: Barack.
Earl: What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?
XXL: Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Earl: Barack Obama?
XXL: Yeah.
Earl: What the fuck?! That aint no fuckin name, yo. That aint that niggas name. You cant be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.
+ We’re Back! \\ 03.19.08
+ I need to see this live \\ 03.16.08
Check Lupe kick this crazy freestyle ‘Proceed’. Anyone know what mixtape this is off of?
+ Fan E-Mail \\ 03.11.08
Sometimes its tough being an incredibly famous, popular comedian. A lot of times my inbox blows up with messages like this:
Greetings!
I am Mr.Smith. I am from the fedex delivery in Nigeria West Africa.I have been monitoring a parcel here at our office since containing a bank draft of 800,000
United States Dollars ,but I have heard that the owner of the parcel just past away.It is to be collected by a security Answer and I have It.It is “Fredrick”.THis is
where it involves you.The charge of delivery is 220USD,I want you to pay the delivery fee and send me your address and the parcel will be shipped to your
address.Then you will cash the cheque there at the bank and send me the sum of 200.000USD and you keep the 600.00USD as your Share.
I have made arrangement showing that it is not a Drug Money or meant to sponsor Terrorist attack in your Country.
IF you want to pay for the delivery this is my contact.
Mr.Smith Collins
Email: smithcollins101@yahoo.com
Tel:+2347039869077
Asst.Director of operation Fedex Nigeria.
Please do not reply me if you are not fully ready to carry out what I have said.There is no time because the parcel expires this march.
My response:
Dear Mr. Smith Collins,
First and foremost I wish my name wasn’t as unique and original as yours. I am interested in this deal, but I am only slightly ready to carry out what you’ve said. In terms of the code name, I would have never guessed ‘Fredrick’! Genius man. Ok as for the whole not supporting terrorism and drug money…PHEW…thank you. Now that we’ve established that I’m good to go with this whole transaction. See the thing is Smith—can I call you Smith? Its so hard to find people you can trust these days and I get this whole positive vibe from you. Look I don’t know why you’ve contacted me for this transaction but I appreciate the offer. The parcel already expires in March and its March 11th today. You still think we can go through with this whole transaction thing even though its kinda late?
Hasan Minhaj